|
Today begins in the early morning with the sound of an earthquake and the scene outside of the house of the ground shaking. Moving into the kitchen, everything is in a shambles with chairs overturned and a mess all over the floor.
Rhonda: This morning we've put the starting over house in an unexpected earthquake because I want the women to understand that at any moment their world can be turned upside down, and when that happens, are they going to revert to their old habits, their old patterns, or are they going to be able to stay strong?
Alison enters the kitchen, seeing the mess everywhere and on into the living room where everything is in disorder. She thinks this is an exercise for her not to be picking up everything because yesterday Ilanya got on her about cleaning the kitchen. She doesn't really know how to respond, but begins cleaning up. TJ comes in and wants to know who is messing with us? She yells for everyone to get up and come downstairs to help.
Confessional: Alison smiles sweetly and says it is not in her nature to wake anyone, especially this early in the morning.
Jill and the rest of the group make their way down and everyone groans about the mess, while Alison says it is all her fault and she is so sorry, she was going to do it all herself and didn't want to wake anyone. The women begin to clean, all working together, and get it all done.
Alison calls her mother to ask her how she is doing. Her mother said "I just talked to Aunt Gail about you and Aunt Gail tells me you have no self-esteem and that just kills me." Alison tells her not to worry, she is getting it all fixed (begins to call her Ann instead of Mom) and then mom whines that she knew she had it (self-esteem) as a child. Mom then says "I could die in this house and nobody would know it for 5 days!" Alison assures her that is not true and that she would know it. Mom: "When are you coming home?!" Alison says soon. Mom: "Well, you're not gonna have any friends when you come home if you're not careful. I'm just telling you there are lots of people who are overwrought and you have just pushed the panic button too many times about YOUR life and YOUR Hollywood and YOUR everything and they're tired of it!" Alison says that they are not really good friends then. They end their conversation quickly with Mom saying she had to go check her baked potato in the oven. Alison hangs up slowly, puts her head in her hand, and is obviously upset.
Group session: Rhonda comes in smiling and welcomes them to California and asks them to tell her about the earthquake and what happened. Alison said she was going to clean the mess herself. TJ said no way was she going to clean it by herself. Alison said she didn't want to wake anyone, she thought it was her assignment. Rhonda said it was not her assignment, it was everyone's. She asks, when disaster happens, what happens? Christina said "you do what you have to do." Jill admits she didn't want to clean it up and it reminded her of her and her mom, that it's never enough. Alison then tells the group about her phone call with her mother. TJ lets out a sigh of sympathy after hearing about it and shakes her head. Alison begins to cry, says she's afraid that no matter how much she learns in the starting over house, she will be trapped when she goes back home. Rhonda asks if she wants to choose herself or guilt, and that guilt is in charge of her life. Alison cries and Jessica hugs her. Rhonda and all the houseguests comfort Alison with hugs and rubbing her feet. Alison cries so hard her chin is trembling uncontrollably. Rhonda tells her she has to choose between love and guilt. She tells the group to love each other, hug each other when their housemates are out of control. Alison is told she is not allowed to pay back anyone for the expression of love and comfort. Rhonda then said she has some happy news and at first everyone thinks Jessica will be called up (she even starts to get up) but Rhonda asks TJ to come to the love seat. TJ earns her first step "Face the Loneliness." TJ tears up, says she feels proud. Jessica praises her progress and said how when they first started out, she had the most difficulty with her but now she feels the closest to her. The session ends.
Rhonda and TJ walk outside to talk. Rhonda wants her to call her new acquaintance Buffy and ask her over for lunch. No housemates are to be involved, just the two of them. TJ said she is thinking to herself, why would anyone want to hang out with me? She thinks she's not good enough.
Jill and Lisa drive to Jenny Craig. Jill lost 8 pounds this week for a total of 19.8 pounds since she started the Jenny Craig plan. Her counselor says she can continue her meal plan even though she has the fibroid tumor.
Ilanya meets with Alison. Alison says she is scared to death to leave the house and face her family and friends. Ilanya says she must clean up her relationship with her mother. They talk about it and Alison says if she does that, she is afraid she will be completely alone, have no family, and that her mother will be so upset. Ilanya says, if it will save Alison's life, then let her be upset. She will survive.
Ilanya takes Alison up a hill and blindfolds her, asks her how long she is willing to walk through the darkness alone. She turns her around, disorients her, asks her where she is going. Alison is crying. Ilanya asks her why she can't just be still instead of stumbling around in the darkness, telling her she can't fix it, and asks her what she wants. Alison answers that she wants joy, success, a husband, happiness, a life, new car, a skinny body. Ilanya asks how she will find it. She takes her blindfold off and she is standing in front of a headstone that says RIP with the date 1964 - . She tells her she can't say no to this until she says yes to life. With her head on Ilanyla's lap, they decide she must have a conversation with her mother and share what is in her heart. Ilanya says if she doesn't, she will die .. emotionally or physically. Ilanya promises Alison she will help her with this and be there for her. Alison retreats to the house to be alone and think about confronting her mom.
TJ calls Buffy and they chat for awhile. TJ asks her to come over to swim and Buffy says she is not feeling herself to be bathing-suit friendly right now. She agrees to come over and hang out with TJ, who is excited.
TJ offers to help Lisa with her business plan. Lisa admits she procrastinates when she has big projects to do.
TJ makes a lunch tray for Buffy's visit and tells Jessica and Lisa she can't be entertaining, she has to be really connected with her and that will be her challenge. Buffy arrives and is introduced to the housemates. TJ and Buffy go outside to talk about friendships and how they both get distracted and don't always listen well. They are getting along very well.
Ilanya meets with Jill, who tells her she needs surgery soon and feels basically like she got hit by a truck. She feels there's always something bad coming around the corner. Ilanya says Jill always feels pain must be attached to joy. Jill says she knew she had fibroids for three years and did nothing about it. She became accustomed to the pain and Ilanya is stunned that she would live like that. Ilanya gathers up Jill's self-sabotage bag, a chair, and walks around the living room saying "I want to heal, I want to fall in love," while carrying all the baggage. Ilanya says she is dragging around all this crap and the only way to stop it is to just stop it. She says it is not your mommy's fault, not your daddy's fault, it is all yours, your incomplete jobs, incomplete relationships, and that she will continue to find ways to kill herself until she finds the courage to live her life with joy. Ilanya says she has so much to give and not to dishonor life by not living in it fully. She has her take 8 pieces of clothing off the mannequin and replace it with 8 pieces from the self-sabotage bag so she will see what she does to herself. Ilanya says Jill's life is important to her, probably more important than it is to Jill.
In confessional: Jill says the tumor represents the pain in her life and says she is determined she will not live like this anymore.
Jill calls her mother and tells her about the fibroid tumor. We do not hear her mother's response to it.
Lisa decides starting a business is not brain surgery and she can do it.
Ilanya visits Alison who is resting in bed and she reads her a poem.
Yesterday I Cried
by Ilanya Vanzant
Yesterday I cried. I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, and had myself a good cry.
And yesterday I cried, for all the days that I was too busy and too tired and too mad to cry. I cried for all the days and all the ways and all the times that I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected myself from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the way other people treated me.
I'm telling you...I cried yesterday. I cried a soulful cry, yes, and it felt so good but it felt so very, very bad...and in the midst of my crying I felt my freedom come in because yesterday I cried with an agenda.
Alison is crying quietly, and Ilanya tells her to cry with an agenda so they know what they're working on.
The housemates are eating dinner together. Jessica asks Lisa how the business plan is going and Lisa said she came up with something that is doable for her. Jill shares her realization that everything is coming up now because she is working so hard on taking her life seriously, and is her life worth it? Alison raises her glass in a toast and says "to Jill" and everyone clinks glasses and says "to Jill." There is a real feeling of camaradarie in the group and everyone seems comfortable, relaxed, and supportive of each other.
Next on Starting Over: Christina is put on the hotseat. Dr. Stan says he sees this sweet, innocent young woman who can act naive and he wonders if he is being conned. Christina smiles and giggles. Jessica receives a tough assignment, and in confessional says she wants to run away, doesn't want to do it, doesn't feel equipped. The women get a new housemate -- a cute black dog -- but they may not be ready for the commitment. "Mr. Ozzie is gone," says TJ, and she goes out to search for the dog.
|
Home 
) and your recap is greatly appreciated.
